What is it you desire?

Underneath the sweet talk and virtuous ideals?

Lucifer, the light bearer. The highest among angels, closest to God, and not outside of us. The idea that the divine is out there only, and that we should obey an outside character to be saved from our miseries, is a misconception of the divine (some of you out there, will NOT agree, i don’t care). The divine, is in concert with our will and our actions, the divine is within us (yeah yeah sounds silly, stay with me). Lucifer, the light bearer, clears out the dark and what are we faced with? Our deepest tackiest desires that make us feel unworthy and shameful, but they’re there and the make us human. (Probably there are some saints out there that don’t have such desires, i’m mostly speaking of myself and others like me). Why else do we keep them so buried and work so hard to keep them hidden? Why else, would it take the Devil to disclose them for us? We are brought to our knees begging for mercy: Please don’t show me the light! Put that mirror away! 

But that is exactly what we need. Lucifer wants us to be free.

Desire, is opposed to freedom – read Krishnamurti. I don’t want it to be, because i wish to be free (an oxymoron) and i desire so much shit! (besides being free). What happened?  I used to be calm and collected, some sort of  manageable, some sort of at-ease-ish, sort of OK with things, sort of without desire, but as the years went by, and wisdom or whatever hit me, i see, it seems, more clearly, the outrageousness of the world, the hypocrisy in relationships, the under-the-surface-bullshit of nice people and how spellbound we are by the idea of growth – without looking at the shitty, (and not so shitty) stuff we desire and deny – especially in the area of personal development and spirituality. But looking out, onto the world, our desires and denials are killing everything and destroying the very things that sustains us. OMG people! It won’t save the world to buy lots of organic stuff from across the globe and drive electric cars, although that’s fine, stop deluding yourself, we need to want less stuff! That’s another topic. Oh there’s so much more…

What is the answer to the question? Really? Actually, once you settle into the inquiry, you may discover, it is not really a questions, but rather a quest, a journey. 

So going back to Lucifer (the series is by the way a true work of genius, sheds so much light on things! Check it out on Netflix). One of Lucifer’s superpowers besides being an awesome, hot English devil rebel angel man, is his ability to look into ones soul and reach for those deep seated desires and secrets one harbors within often with a thin layer of shame. He asks: Tell me, what is it you desire?

And i assume, since we all long to be free, we are compelled to tell the truth. Truth be told, it seems to release us from pain and suffering (the truth is not something scientifically accurate or a proven fact, it is the inner truth, what feels true, what is true on the level of Awareness – whaaat??). It’s like breath finds its way back into our lungs. In some episodes, Luci reminds his friends (the devil has friends), that he actually doesn’t judge, and he doesn’t make people do bad things, he just executes the appropriate punishment depending on peoples own conscience and fears! Wow, so actually, we are the judges of our lives! Where was i going with this? Oh yeah, what is it you desire? 

Can we desire what we have? Is it possible to look behind and beyond our desires in attempt to understand more deeply who we are and what our heart longs for? If we courageously allow our inner light to bring clarity upon our desires, maybe the truth of what we passionately long for, what we’re looking for can be revealed? And we can live our lives more authentically and with freedom even. Sounds nice. We become the Detective, sort of (you have to see the show).

It is not bad to have desires. It is the shame around those desires that creates the drama, as well as the denial of having them. So much pain and suffering attaches itself to the things we want, but can’t have, or have but would rather not. What is the source of this wanting, beyond the neurological chemical imbalance?

It’s complicated. So devilish. 

Love // Alex 

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