Why the fuck not??

Move on

What a revelation. Wow! It’s like a kleptomaniac has been removed from the throne. (She’s been steeling my life force, creating drama).

If you’ve ever had that feeling of being trapped, or under a pile of false hopes, then released… it feel like that. I’ve had many of those through my life, unfortunately i’m a slow learner. 

Things you may realize along a journey of many disappointments, lots of effort to belong and search for worthiness, is that the reason for going through this hardship, or rather what may finally come out of it is finding out that nobody will ever pick you up, and lift you to the glorious highs of acknowledgment. Well, i’m not going to say “nobody ever“, it may happen occasionally, very rarely though, mostly in fairytales and it should NOT be anticipated. This eventually means, that letting go of whatever it is one is holding on to, being loyal to, standing up for, (that is not from within yourself), waiting to be seen, waiting to be appreciated, the letting go needs to happen, the process of release is due. Letting go of people and situations one has invested time, emotion and energy in, is like ripping off a body part and trusting you’ll function just fine without it. Holy shit!! The pain, the grief!! So let it hurt, let it burst, grieve, let yourself feel and know deep inside, it will pass. It’s Life coming back into you lighting up those dark places, you know how that feel! Removing the blinders and the curtains when morning comes, it takes some time getting used to. And imaging the light coming from within. Inhaling after holding your breath for so long … 

I’m a that spot, but i get it. I know i’ve been giving away my life force, my creativity, my love to situations and relations who don’t know what to do with it. 

I feel like a tourist on uncharted ground, but i’m considering moving to this place. There is a sort of freedom here, control and trust, and i feel my feet on the ground, i stand out of my own free will, for my own sake. I don’t know if i ever felt i’ve been in my own power like this, well yes, i have, plenty of times, that’s why i recognize it. But i’m nervous. I had hopes and i loved so deeply, so passionately, again, as i still do, as always. I’m a bit apprehensive, i have fears. But i’m going. 

Fuck humility! It has done me so little good throughout my life. I’ve been protecting others from my Light and my strength. Protecting them from my power and from what i actually am capable of. Heck i think i‘ve been protecting my little self as well!

And so, do what needs to be done, it will most probably be the hardest thing, but also that which will liberate you. And who knows, maybe a new breath after the exhale, a new deep inhale brings with it a new awareness that feeds all. Now go be brave. Fuck what if, go with why the hell not. It’s been long enough waiting.

Love// Alex 

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