When Stuck becomes a Normality
anything other than that seems a strange alternative.
No, not strange really, but rather just very far fetched. Like, how is that even a possibility? I can’t see that far. I’ve been in this shit for ever. Why would anything ever fucking change in a successful direction? Ever? Why? It’s a law, like the Law of Motion, accept there’s no motion!
That’s the dialogue. A-fuck-my-life, fuck-it-attitude. Nothing’s ever gonna fucking change until the ultimate change arrives, Death. Just, at least stay alive, until you die.
Well, as fun as this sounds, along with Rhianna’s “…Bitch better have ma money”, it’s not really creating any opportunities, or any kind of anything remotely, successful in the direction of unstuckness. ‘Coz, yeah, the law of motion applies. Whatever direction is, is until something else pushes it in a new direction. Oh my GOD! This sounds so much like The law of Karma! Newton must have stolen it!
I am, however an expert on being stuck and as such, i have had a lot of training in untangling myself towards some sort of freedom-ish condition. Sort of like finding that small, barely visual opening in a traffic jam that offers the golden opportunity to speed ahead.
Now let’s face it, being stuck isn’t very inspiring or creative, it simply isn’t that easy to actually see that opening in a traffic jam or find the right Houdini trick that gets you out of the cold chains of inertia, but it’s not impossible (hold your horses, we’re not there yet)! If you’re stuck you most often feel that you are stuck. Meaning it’s most often an emotionalstate that is fucking your situation up, and generating not only the blues but also: you’re fucked. Even a sunny day is a pain in the ass.
Let’s just acknowledge that. Man! This is suffering!! Be compassionate with yourself! The stuck spot in life is so exhausting. But! (Ok, breathe, don’t lash out, we’re in this together), it’s not a hopeless situation, it feels like a hopeless situation. See the difference?
Stay with me. I’ll be giving you a few suggestions below for un-fucking yourself. I have come to believe (known it for like ever! but i recently started believing it might actually be true), a stuck situation, is sort of a wake up call, like: WHAT-THE-FUCK-ARE-YOU-DOING!?-kind of wake up call. Being stuck is giving you information. Hints that you might be on to something, but you have to clear your mind to see where it goes. Or, that you actually know what to do, what you want, but there’s a teeny weeny bit of fear in the way. Or, you feel nobody’s fucking listening. There’s this saying, if you’re uncertain, be still and do nothing. This sounds counterintuitive right? The saying should go: if you’re stuck get the hell outta there!” But where? That’s what the stillness is for. To show you where. Often times, we struggle to get out and in pure desperation we do anything we can most likely regretting it later on. (But, hey, at least you’re not stuck anymore, or is it same shit different scenery)? Being still offers perspective. And yes, you have to accept the offer and participate in un-fucking yourself. This is an internal job as far as accepting the situation and acknowledging where you’re at, this is the stillness part and being willing to change the situation. Exhale. That’s it, stop fighting. Now, the actual process of un-fucking yourself is a collaboration of internal workings (acceptance and the willingness to change your situation i.e. yourself – oh, didn’t i say anything about that? – you need to do the work, get your head out of your ass, and that will, obviously, transform you) and external tools. So let’s get into some simple, easy peasy habits of un-fucking and freeing activities. Stop complaining! You’re stuck, what are your alternatives? Of course there are deeper layers to being stuck, but let’s just start from where we can, and go in any safe direction that doesn’t get you into trouble (don’t take my word for it though)! We need to start this epic journey somewhere.
Things to do that might work to un-fuck yourself: There are a lot of things you won’t wanna do, coz that’s the thing with being stuck, it fucks you up and makes you think you don’t wanna do stuff, or even worse, that you’re not worthy of doing stuff, which is, of course, a load of crap! So do it anyway, it won’t kill you (i think).
Your body is craving movement! (Shut up! It is!) Ok, so you hate the gym, who said anything about that? Take a walk, take several. I’m sure you have friends, bring them along, it’s good for them too. And since we mentioned it, how about the gym? Lift some weights, get some shit off your mind. Dance like nobodies watching – in your home, no substances allowed, they will fuck you up! Go to yoga class (mine are really good). Fluid movement, like a flow class, or dancing, relaxes your body and mind, you might even feel you can breathe better. Being stuck makes you tense. Move.
Talk to someone. Talk to a good friend, or a therapist (who might be a good friend i guess), choose wisely who you confide in, have some integrity! Gather some friends and have a celebration for no reason at all. Often times, we just need to allow ourselves some fun. Go to that event that you’ve been eyeballing. Why not? They probably have coffee there, or something. Just go. Listen, and maybe even talk to people. Going to events, workshops, lectures, can change your perspective on a situation, give you a new lead, offer a new spot to start digging – or maybe we’re not digging but you get what i’m saying.
Ok, so here’s some internal shit for you. Ask questions, write them down, answer them honestly, nobody’s gonna know! Questions like: what brings me joy? When do i smile? What did i want to be when i grew up? How do i feel stuck? What are the obstacles in my way? Are they movable? Manageable? What is the tiniest step i could take towards being a bit less fucked or stuck? What questions am i not asking that i should ask? Who are the people i would like to have in my life? What are the qualities i would like to embody? What would it mean to be unfucked? What is the opposite of being stuck? And how does that feel? You know, that kind of stuff. Meditate with no specific goal. What? Really? No goal, exactly. Goals and visions are great, but they steal the moment! Yes they do, so just be in this present moment, with all the fucked up shit this moment has to offer and that’s all. Oh, and breathe. Breathe, breathe, breathe, inhale, exhale, repeat. Your favorite worries will come up, but fuck them, just breathe. Your breath is real, this moment IS, nothing else really matters (like in Metallica’s song). This is practicing stillness, acceptance, and willpower. Believe it or not. Sometimes, emotions emerge to the surface, perfect, let them come and see them leave. Thoughts attack you, great, they will pass as well. In this particular moment, being stuck, is an illusion. You decide if you are stuck. Be grateful. Count your blessings, as they say. Don’t say you don’t have anything to be grateful for, that’s just ungrateful. I’m not even giving you any suggestions.
And lastly in this very on-the-surface-of-things-self-help post, LAUGH!! Get together with friends (the ones that make you laugh the hardest), watch something funny, and laugh until it hurts. Maaan! Life is for living. It shouldn’t always be hard. Struggling shouldn’t be the routine, the normal state of affairs. No. You might be stuck, but you’re not dead and if you can read this and you’re with me this far, (oh child, bless your heart) you are very privileged already with lots of possibilities not being explored. So shush! Stop complaining, have some fun, (that will ease the pain), and get to work unlocking those locks Houdini! Keys are in your hands, they might not look like you want them to, but they’re there, and probably better than ones you wanted.
Go for it. Let me know how it goes. Share your thoughts. And if you liked this, share with friends. Sharing is also a good way to get less stuck.
(Yes that’s me in the picture).