Heart of a Warrior

They say, maybe you need the chaos to feel alive.

Really? Is there no other way to feel alive? 

One thing i know for sure, is that i am done chasing monsters. Done playing  parts, i myself have not chosen. I will create my own story, live by my own rules. No longer at the mercy of good manners and understanding. 

I am exhausted. As a warrior is, after fighting a battle against goblins and demons only to find out they where shadows in the corners of ones own Heart. They’re like forgotten children of the soul, shouting at the top of their lungs for the slightest attention. I’ve been busy understanding everybody else, considering alternatives and being patient. Good qualities, after one has taken care of the deep within. 

The deep end, that is where we go to cleans our being, in the dark waters in the midst of the stormy waves. And we emerge, knowing something else, the path takes a new turn after the horizon. 

We all have some cleansing to do. Something to let go, someone to forgive, some sort of reconciliation waiting to be done. It is the inner churning that takes place as the mystery evolves and unfolds. 

There will be wounds to attend to as battles are won and lost, and broken parts to reassemble. But unlike porcelain, we mend, we heal, we become stronger, we grow.  We choose new directions, in which to continue this journey. And new challenges will arise. Some of us, we’ll be accompanied by drama, some by chaos. Let such things not take you off the path. We have eyes to see, but vision is divine, the light of our journey. When the eyes close, sight becomes more clear.

I am attending my wounds, i am being breathed into stillness, after being entrenched in chaos and storms. Gratitude. Grace. I just want to rest. 

In the baptism of my renewal,  I vow, to make no  decisions on my own, because it is no longer intelligent to do so, all my decisions, i will make in silent counsel with the infinite, divine consciousness, Love. I will allow myself to be of service to my higher being, and obey my deepest divine callings.

Beyond all we know, or rather what we think we know, there is always the lucky chance, we might be wrong, or limited in our knowledge, meaning we have an opportunity to see more clearly, to learn and grow, and relax, releasing the chaos, the goblins, the chasing and the fighting. Not to do all on our own. Thinking we can.

I don’t need the chaos to feel alive. 

Love// Alex

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